God, I'm confused: A multitalented Christian's journey to clarity.

I sat there holding in the tears. I'd come to church like any other Sunday, raised my hands in worship like any other Sunday, and sang my heart out, like any other Sunday. Now this preacher was hitting home. 

The thing is I hadn't sinned. I wasn't sniffling out of conviction. I was being slapped by clarity. I'm sure you know as well as I do that this christian walk can sometimes be blurry. You wish for God to come sit by your bedside and lay out the whole blueprint and then you just get up, put on the full armor and go execute.

For years I've struggled with 'what am I to be doing?' I write. I sing. I speak. I paint. I decorate. I lead. I teach. And I could go on. Being a multitalented Christian can feel very chaotic. The crossroad has six exits and they all beckon. 

Hence my cry: God, I'm confused! Why am I here? What am I supposed to be doing? I'm talented in all these areas and I don't know which one to choose; not as a career, far less in ministry.

But that day, in that moment I finally got it. As I sat there everything this man said made sense. He spoke about knowing who you are, and why you're here, and what you should do. Nothing new. But it seemed like this was finally the time that my spirit listened. I couldn't wait to get home to dig into the parable of the talents. Here I was: a Christian with multiple talents.

Off I went. I grabbed my tablet, a notebook and a pen and I read Matthew 25 from as many versions of the Bible as I could. And then I listened. And then I wrote. Pages on pages of what God whispered.

I was reminded that He called me. I was reminded that I was given something valuable as an act of trust. I noted that the talents were given because of my ability to handle them, not by my own assessment, but because of the master's. Then came the master's absence and in that period I had to take action because at the end of it there would be accountability. 

What a sequence of events: there was the assessment of my ability. I was called and had to answer. I was then given access to assets. In the absence, there was to be action and my master had an expectation of further acquisition. My accountability was being tested. If I proved faithful, my reward was more responsibility. 

I took note that the value of the talent didn't increase. The master was looking for an increase in the amount. When I was done with this deep dive I was finally able to say, "God, you created me. You gave me these talents, not to confuse or frustrate me, but you trusted me enough to know I could make good use if them and get more." 

I started to thank him for my many talents and to ask for wisdom in using them. And He was faithful in showing me how I could. But that's a story for another time.

In the meantime, if you’re feeling pulled in every direction, here are a few things that could make sense of it:

Ask yourself: Which gift has already been a blessing to someone else?

Journal on this: Which talent lights me up, even when it costs energy?

Pray differently: Instead of “Lord, which one should I keep?” try, “Lord, how do I multiply what You’ve entrusted me?"

I know I’m not the only one who’s felt this tug-of-war. Drop it in the comments. I’d love to hear and share what’s been helping me too.

From one MTC to another, here's to increase!

In peace and clarity,

Michelle Spencer